The Yellow and Blue

Hello All!
         Welcome to my blog.  I am a 21 year old from Tennessee and have recently graduated from college with a bachelors of science in biochemistry.  In the fall, I will be starting pharmacy school and am extremely excited.  Right now though, I am going to enjoy my summer as much as possible.  I titled this blog "The Yellow and Blue" because those are the colors most associated with summer, the yellow sun and the blue water.  I was born in the summer and loved having pool parties to celebrate.  It is such a beautiful season with the blue waters and sandy beaches.  During this next two months, I will blog about my experiences as a woman and the insecurities that come with being a woman during the summer.  I hope to make clear how society can affect a woman's self esteem and how other women can make or break you.  I hope to reach out to those who may be going through the same things.

          To start, let me give a little bit information about myself.  I am overweight and have been since middle school and recently have been told I could end up with type II diabetes.  I have always been told I have a pretty face and I could be so gorgeous if I were skinny.  I have always had trouble making friends, especially with females for reasons unknown to me. I believe it has something do to with the cattiness and brutality of  the spoken word.  My entire school career, starting in elementary school, I have had these troubles with other females speaking about me behind my back and spreading rumors which are not true.  I do agree, I was socially awkward during my younger years, and did not know how to interact with others very well.  I have, however, grown out of it.  College has allowed me to come into my own and better understand myself.  My many experiences have led me to become a strong woman, yet vulnerable to the feelings of others.  Too often have I put stock into what others think of me and hopefully, this blog will allow me to logically think through the things that would normally make me doubt myself.  Please feel free to comment on anything I write so that I may see things from other points of view.

      As summer begins, I am again feeling the pressure to lose weight so that I can fit in a teeny, tiny bikini.  Why is it that I cannot walk out of my house without being bombarded with the way women are "supposed" to look?  I watch t.v. and see so many women who look "perfect."  Every time I go to the store, the cute clothes don't come in my size because either my breasts are too big, or my legs are too thick.  Too much value is placed in how a woman looks.  Obviously looks don't bring happiness because many a gorgeous celebrity has been married, but then gets divorced.  The beautiful people seem to have all the luck, but they always seem unhappy.  So why are women told that they cannot be happy unless they're gorgeous and have the latest fashions?  This makes no sense to me.  There is no reason I can't find a loving man and be happy with my life.  I don't have to have the latest couture or fit into the smallest bikini to be loved and enjoy my life.  Many people believe this, yet still we allow society to tell us that this is how it is.  How are we ever going to love ourselves if we won't even allow us to believe it.  It is sad that we preach equality and inner beauty yet still judge others by the way they look and the clothes they wear.

     Today had no specific incidences so I am not going to rant any longer, but I hope that I can reach those women and young girls who are struggling with the way they look and feel about themselves.  I pray that you will join with me to make women stronger.  I am going to try, using this blog, to make myself healthier, not because society tells me to look a certain way, but for myself.  I urge you to join me in this endeavor.